Ask The Sexpert: How Do Lesbians Have Actually Safer Intercourse? | GO Mag

Lately, I’ve been watching countless various health methods and area frontrunners explore just how lesbians don’t need condoms whatsoever within their intercourse methods. And that concept truthfully perplexes me personally! Every time we see clearly someplace, we pause and think

huh? Where did these folks get their safer sex details from?

This is exactly part of more substantial social issue for the reason that lesbian, queer and local bi women are frequently left during the conversation about sexual health and STIs. It’s like folks believe

STIs

just result from penises and this lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies do not previously

have

penises.

News flash:
STIs may be offered in several ways
. Through epidermis to epidermis contact. From anal sex. From dental sex. From revealing adult sex toys. Virtually any type of intercourse you are having, it’s likely that STIs may possibly end up being offered, from one individual to another. It is additionally vital to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual women sometimes have actually penises. Or sometimes we use dildos during intercourse. As well as for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be used as a barrier approach to reduce the probability of STIs getting passed.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is important to remember that it isn’t really the end of worldwide should you try good for an STI. Your life plus sex-life aren’t over. When we can get access to this kind of much safer gender info, after that we could all grow and learn together—and have significantly more pleasurable gender!

We’ve already talked-about
various shield techniques
that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are able to use whenever having sex with one another. And certainly, condoms come in those solutions. You need condoms as a barrier whenever having a penis in snatch or whenever having
anal intercourse
, if you are utilizing a dildo or dildo, and you will additionally reduce a condom along the heart (with scissors) if you need a dental dam for analingus or dental sex. As soon as we tell women that sleep along with other women which they do not

require

condoms to train less dangerous intercourse, we have been perpetuating this misconception that our sex is intrinsically protected from any STIs getting provided.

A lot of of my lesbian, queer and bisexual friends occasionally have a good laugh about how precisely they don’t really exercise less dangerous sex. I notice queer women make jokes about dental care dams as well as how they never have once used all of them. All of this tends to make me personally wonder whom in our community perform really practice better gender? And in case we aren’t making use of shield techniques, tend to be we after that having detailed talks about our very own sexual wellness before we f*ck? Tend to be we continuously prioritizing obtaining examined between our very own partners? And not a pap smear (
because that does not cover it-all
), but like obtaining a complete work up?

I really don’t state any kind of this to-be judgmental, at all. I also been that girl to laugh about dental care dams. I additionally got one night appears in which I didn’t focus on me personally or my lover’s sexual health. But i’d like us doing better. I’d like united states to have real, nuanced conversations about our sexual wellness. Because it matters, ladies. And that I would like to get past chuckling about dental dams and shrugging off condoms as an alternative.

Often in this dialogue, I have asked

well, imagine if i do want to use a dental care dam but she does not think’s beautiful?

This fear is really so widespread that personally i think like so many lesbian, queer and bisexual women can be also scared to ask their unique lovers to apply less dangerous intercourse. But let me make it clear a queer woman key, getting oral intercourse through a dental dam is hot and feels incredible. Indeed, anyone it certainly alters things for will be the individual offering the dental. It really is a little bit different of an experience, but one that you can get made use of to! It’s gorgeous for the individual receiving because 1. you’re both prioritizing one another’s intimate wellness, in fact it is hot AF and 2. within my truthful view, it nonetheless seems pleasurable as f*ck.

I additionally discover how tough it can be to bring up the dialogue of STIs if your wanting to have sexual intercourse, specifically if you’ve never really had intercourse because of this individual prior to. A very important factor I’ve discovered in my own several years of messily navigating gender and connections would be that once I talk to someone towards type sex the two of us want and with what types of obstacles you want to use—We have wayyyy much better gender. Like I’m not saying this because I’m a sex geek. I am letting you know my personal sincere queer woman truth. Sex is way better when you talk about desire as well as your bodies first.

Let’s break it all the way down.

Both you and this possible hookup don’t know both’s figures but. Every person has actually unique desires and ticks and techniques, that switch all of them the f*ck on. Even though you might perform a guessing online game if you are sex to figure out what ~feels very good~ with this new person, you could as an alternative, explore it beforehand. Isn’t it fun to be able to f*ck some body the direction they desire to be f*cked? You then know already the go-to place on their behalf, for which you wish build up to and ways to get them to be putty inside hand.

In terms of dealing with exactly what barriers and/or toys you intend to utilize as long as you’re having sex—a lot of men and women believe its very maybe not hot and requires all the fun from the jawhorse. But think about in case you are having sex although entire time you’re anxious because you truly desired to utilize a dental dam but failed to understand how to inform her that and now you can’t have a climax since you’re so in your mind about maybe not speaking upwards for your needs? That is no enjoyable for everyone, trust in me. Once you get that dialogue taken care of before you begin making love, then you already know to choose the condom by using your strap-on or whether she’s cool with liquid connection or otherwise not. These are important areas of sex and we also should never ignore them.

We have homework regarding people looking over this nowadays. The very next time you’re having a hookup with someone, just be sure to incorporate a number of these talks before you decide to smack the bedsheets to discover just what results are. We gamble you that you’ll have some mind-blowing consensual better gender!

Had gotten any gender concerns? Feel free to touch base: Corinne@gomag.com!